1000 Awesome Things

December 12, 2009 § Leave a comment

1000 Awesome Things.

here are some of my personal favorites (-:

#616 Trying to understand what your friend’s saying when you’re underwater

If you strain your ears and figure it out you’re a master deep-diving codebreaker who speaks the strange and mystical language of Bubbles.


#626 Riding home with a box of pizza on your lap

Pepperoni fumes fill the air as you swerve and curve your way home. Yes, that hot bulky square of cardboard filled with zesty sauce and bubbling mozzarella heats your legs and gets your stomach rumbling for a delicious dinner that nobody needs to cook.


#627 When your friends working in fast food restaurants give you a little extra

Pile it onSure, sure, we’re all honest people here.

You and me, we’re driving the speed limit, crossing at crosswalks, and never double parking. But that doesn’t mean we don’t like bonus fries, extra-scoopy ice cream, or double cheese on our subs, people.

Yes, when the gal behind the smooth orange counter wearing the paper hat and pinstriped shirt is your pal from high school, it means it’s time for a little extra whipped cream and chocolate sauce on that drippy ice cream sundae.

It’s just the Fast Food Workers Pact.


#631 Coming back to your own bed after a long trip

An ugly nightDo you remember your Worst Sleep Ever?

Man, I sure do. I tell you, it was back when I was in college and a few friends and I drove a skiddy van across a snowy highway in the middle of a blizzard to crash with my friend Chad. It was a cold weekend full of laughs and catching up with friends who had all been yanked apart after prom and high school gradumacation.

Now, it was late Friday night in this quiet college town when a few of us headed home to hit the sack. Of course, back in those days there were no fresh linens, soft pillows, and fluffy towels laying on a pull-out beds there. Nope, all we had in that cold, dark basement were a couple ratty couches, a hollow wooden door to the blizzard outside, and a giant wall full of cheap ticking clocks all set to different timezones.

Don't try this at homeWell, what choice did we have?

We made little beds from couch cushions, used sweatshirts for pillows, and covered our shivering bodies with zippery, snow-smeared winter coats. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the clocks tick-tick-tick-ticked all night, and somebody got home really late and left the back door wide open. Nobody noticed until morning when all our teeth were chattering and there was a foot high snowdrift under the ping pong table.

It was a nightmare, but I know you’ve been there, too.

Power-napping on bumpy airplanes, crashing on a flabby futon or jabby mattress, sleeping in a rainy forest in a leaky tent, you’ve had your fair share. Bad sleeps, sad sleeps, sack-pillow heaps, weird alarm clock beeps, and through it all you enjoy long, fidgety nights of groggy pillow turns and fuzzy blanket burns.

But after those killer sleeps in nightmare paradise, it’s always a great feeling to return to the warm and cozy comfort of your sweet, heavenly bed. Yes, you’re like a bear scraping together filthy leaves and warm mud for a long winter of hibernation or a soaring eagle swooping home from the windy treetops to the twiggy goodness of your comfy nest.

Your dented pillow, warm flannel sheets, and preset alarm clock wait for you.

So welcome home, baby.

You made it.


#638 When the amount of toilet paper left on the roll is the exact amount you need

toilet paperNope, no awkward, pants-around-the-ankles hopping here.


#639 Carrying all the groceries in from the car in one big trip

time to get into itIt’s been a long afternoon.

Making a list, checking it twice, heading to the store for milk, bread, and rice.

Brother, let’s face facts: when you finally wheel onto your slippery leaf-covered driveway with a trunk full of wet celery, rolling apples, and melting ice-cream, all you wanna do is finish the job quick.

It’s time to put her in park and start yanking bag after bag from the trunk and start holding them with every possible bag-holding-body-part you got.

First grab the heavy bags of milk and potatoes with one hand and the 2L bottles of Coke and frozen lasagnas with the other. Then pile on the fruits, veggies, yogurts, and be careful with those eggs, careful with the eggs there. Now while teetering awkwardly with eight plastic bags digging into your forearms, just grit your teeth and grab the final bag of bread and cold cuts with your left pinky while squeezing a giant, bulk-pack of toilet paper under your right armpit.

Now shut the trunk and lock the door using only your elbow, chin, and teeth.

Annnnnnnd … you’re good!

Oh sure, it’s not very majestic, but it’ll have to do because there is no way you’re coming back out here again. No, you did your job and now it’s time for your spouse and kids to fill the fridge and pantry — so just run in the door, toss the bags on the floor, and scream “I’m back from the store!”


#650 The first couple hours of the roadtrip

roadtripFull boxes of granola bars, fresh mix tapes, and the heady thrill of anticipation get your body ready for a nice long ride.


#651 When the phone rings and it’s somebody you were just thinking about

baby on phoneFaces float and fly through our brains.

Kicking pebbles, wearing backpacks, laughing about the school day, your friends flicker past you with red cheeks and windswept hair on cool and crisp walks home.

Silverware clinking, gravy boats dripping, your family sits in thick holiday sweaters under a sparkly chandelier amongst half-filled wine glasses and steamy bowls of brussel sprouts.

Furnace quietly clicking, clock slowly ticking, your boyfriend lies beside you on the patchy corduroy couch in the dark unfinished basement, smiling between kisses and laughs, sharing a moment in a memory.

Somebody’s thinking about you right now, too.

Give them a call.


#654 Peeling that thin plastic film off new electronics

peeling plastic off electronicsWelcome to the world, remote control. We’re happy to have you with us, laptop monitor. You’re free, cellphone.


MY FAVORITE^^^^^^ I Love doing that!

#658 When you meet up with a group of friends and they stop talking to celebrate your arrival

meeting up with friendsSometimes you’re late for the date.

Stepping into the dark restaurant, shaking off your umbrella, squeezing past the bar, you don’t know what you’re gonna get: Who’s gonna be here? Have they already ordered? Will there even be a chair?

If you’re like me, baby butterflies flap in your stomach when you stumble into Tonight’s Social Scene for the first time. Brushing rain off your eyebrows, unzipping your jacket, you smile nervously as you spot your friends and walk over to their crowded table in the back.

And if your entrance is marked by heads turning, forks dropping, fists raising, and loud cheers, it means you’re hanging with a great group. So smile and accept their little Welcome Package of hugs and high-fives.

It’s gonna be a great night.


#670 When a stranger walks by and offers to take a picture of you and the person you’re with

take a pictureYou and your snugglepuss are cuddling up together.

Maybe you’re taking a romantic stroll in the park, leaning on the railing over a waterfall, or camping out at the airport before your big honeymoon flyaway.

It’s times like this when someone grabs the camera and starts taking pictures. Strike that pose, baby. Pout those lips, tilt that neck, and get into it. Then grab the camera and take pictures of your loved one, too. Big toothy smile, casually distracted straightface, whatever their move you’re just freeze-framing it forever.

Everything is rolling right along, everything’s smooth sailing, until it eventually happens.

You want a couple shot.

thanks shutter strangerSure, first you try the awkward cheek-to-cheek pose which involves squeezing your faces together and holding the camera high in front of you with an outstretched arm. And that’s not bad until you realize you’re taking four pictures to get one that includes your entire forehead and there’s no hope of getting a full-body shot. Nope, you’re not getting a cute couple photo today.


It’s a magical moment when a stranger walks by, notices your awkwardness, and chimes in with a quick “Hey, want me to take a picture of you two?” That’s when you smile warmly and say sure, before delicately placing your fragile camera in their hands. The funniest part comes next when you teach them how to use it.

“Press this button.”

You know, like every other camera.

But honestly, thanks Shutter Stranger. Thanks for stopping for a minute to capture our good side. We may never see you again, we may never pay you back, but we want to give you a big shout today for your generous gift of capturing the moment.


#678 Sneaking cheaper candy into the movie theater

save a few for the featureContraband candy tastes better.

Here’s how to make the magic happen:

Step 1: Bag Up. Large purses come in handy here. Ladies, pull out the fattest potato sack you got and sling it across your shoulder with pride. For everyone else, you can try a bulky backpack or shopping bag. Business folks can pull off the classy briefcase. The only thing to avoid are Matrix-style trench coats with burrito dents in all the inside pockets.

pack it fullStep 2: Food Up. Stuff that puppy with gummy worms, bubble tape, and Cinnabons, baby. If you’re feeling risky, throw a couple cold and slippery cans of soda in there or a bag of microwave popcorn. Know your limits, though. Steamy meatball subs and hot curry dishes are typically for experts only. And nobody pulls off lasagna.

Step 3: Walk Up. Confidence is everything. Hold your head high, strut a mean strut, and you’ll be just fine. No ticket-ripper should say anything, but if you get caught you can always pretend you’re diabetic. “Honestly, this is prescription Everlasting Gobstoppers.”

Step 4: Eat Up. Tear open the bag of chips with your teeth, crack the soda during a gun fight, and shake the Nerds during the Spanish dance sequence. Just get in there and start munching.

Get in there and start crunching.

Get in there and get


#693 Waking up really thirsty in the morning and finding a glass of water that you can reach from your bed

right there when you need itMaybe you scarfed a salty bag of chips before bed, had a bit too much at the bars, or woke up on a friend’s old pull-out couch with a mouth full of dust and cat hair.

Either way, when you blink your crusty eyes open and feel your mouth scratching like sandpaper, there’s nothing finer than spotting a calmly waiting glass of water lying just in front of your face.

After silently congratulating the you of last night for good planning, you smile slowly, chug it fast, and snuggle back into your dreamy golden slumbers.


#699 A long hug when you really need it

A warm hug when you need itSometimes we all get rattled.

When bad news surprises you, painful memories flash back, or heavy moments turn your stomach to Jell-O, it’s great to fall into a warm and comforting pair of big, wide open arms.

Shaking with sobs, dripping with tears, you snort up your runny nose and smear snot across their shoulder as that hug relaxes you and comforts you and helps you get through everything, even for a minute, even for a moment.

Maybe there are ‘It’s going to be okay’ whispers, some gentle back-rubbing, or just the quiet silence of knowing that they’re not going to let go until you let go first. As their steady arms support you, and the pain washes over you, the hug gives you a warm glow in a shivery moment.

So when you eventually pull back, smile that classic ‘I’m sorry and thank you‘ smile, and swipe wet bangs off your forehead, you still might not feel great, but if you’re lucky you feel a little more


#716 Rubbing someone’s newly shaved head

Feel the buzz and rub that fuzz.


#733 Laughing so hard you make no sound at all




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